Plastic surgery in paradise

According to our guide book, a major Costa Rican import is perfecting American tourists. From tummy tucks, to nose jobs, to fresh new boobs – Costa Rica offers cosmetic surgery at a significantly lower cost (compared to US) along with one of the best climates for recovery (just send over a few b&w photos along with your cash payment). In return, the internet abounds with 5 star resorts offering plastic-surgery packages: assisted 2 week stays, hospital transfers, nutritious food to speed recovery and light activities.

OR, as I discovered, for the budget-conscious American traveler looking to enhance what their mamma gave ‘em can simply and cheaply sit in the ocean for 4-5 hours a day under the blistering tropical sun, forget to apply chapstick with sunscreen, and wait for the industrious Mother Nature to give you a good ol’ fashioned face peel and lip burn! The results: pure magic!

This morning (after sitting in the ocean for 4 hours with no sunscreen on the lips) I awoke up to puffy-burnt lips so luscious and full that I could hardly smile, or brush my teeth, or even eat. The pink balloon of my jutting lower lip gives the impression of a perpetual, much exaggerated pout that would give Angelina Jolie a run for her money! It’s crazy that this is what people pay for. I have to reapply chapstick every 4 minutes as the wind of my breath running over the expanding new surface area that is my lip, dries out at accelerated rates. The funny thing is that my exagerated feature is hardly noticable – when I pointed it out to our friend at the rental car place, Juan Carlos, he thought it good, in fact he was pretty excited for Nic...only to lament upon finding out the Joya Jolie affect was only temporary.